Friday, April 16, 2010

Conception: Perhaps the Ultimate Craft

So I have been thinking for awhile now about blogging about our [unsuccessful] attempts at creating Baby #2. And I don't have any reason for not writing about it publicly, other than that there's a stigma about it ... somewhere in the universe, somebody decided this is the thing you're supposed to keep incredibly private.

I get it. But I don't like it. This feeling that I'm supposed to keep quiet about such a huge part of my life. The fact that so few people ask me about it, what we've been trying, how I'm feeling. The hesitation before telling me that a new friend is expecting a baby. All of that makes me more sad than the fact that we've been trying to get pregnant for so long and so far, I am not.

There was an etiquette question in one of the latest Real Simple magazines about this very topic, and I was glad to see it in there. It's actually what inspired me to write about this here. The question was about a woman who learned she was pregnant and wasn't sure how to tell her good friend, who had been unsuccessfully trying to get pregnant for a long time. The answer was good: don't hide your good news and don't apologize for it either. Tell her your good news and be there for her if she needs a shoulder to cry on, or understand if she needs some time to herself.

It breaks my heart to think that people are scared to tell me their good news. I want another baby so much, how can I not be happy for you? Yes, I have my human moments and it may remind me of what I don't have. But if I'm any kind of a friend, those human moments don't last long and they certainly don't define me. If I want to have a second child so badly, I know how you feel and I am genuinely happy for you.

This world is so big and has so much good in it, and I want to think that I don't have to feel alone and isolated in this struggle. There are times when I am completely at peace, times when I'm extremely distraught, and times when I just don't know how to feel or what to think. I realize it can be an intensely personal issue, but I don't think it has to be so taboo.

I think there is something beautiful about a sense of community in the world. A place where it can be okay to say, hey, this is what sucks in my life and this is what's beautiful. I am not scared to talk about it and I don't want you to be scared to ask.


  1. your honesty is beautiful.
    thinking of you mama ((((hugs))))

  2. thanks for sharing this...I'll admit I'm one of those people who never knows whether or not to bring this subject up with people so I truly appreciate your honesty!

  3. I realized when I got home from lunch I forgot to ask you all about this. And I apologize. Thanks for your honesty.

  4. Thanks for writing this.