These days the words ruminate in my head and are rarely written down. There are hopes and there are fears. There are worries and there are moments of acceptance and peace. One thing I know for certain is there is so much I do not know.
Learning to let go has been one of the major journeys in my life, and it's brought me to a place I like. A foggy future once terrified me and now when those terrors try to creep their way in, I get to remind myself that uncertainty is good; it keeps me open to possibility; it keeps me patient and occasionally optimistic. Things tend to work out.
And so I sit here on a Wednesday afternoon finally updating the blog that I've been meaning to update for many months. I am behind on many things. My new yard is not beautifully landscaped like I had hoped, my kitchen cabinets and much of the woodwork in my house is only partially painted, I haven't written my daughter's 9-year birthday letter, I still have grubby carpet, and that sweater I've been knitting for three years? Well, at least the end is in sight.
I sit here with my belly literally large in the 3rd trimester of what was the biggest-surprise-ever pregnancy and my teaching career momentarily resting on a shelf. My daughter is at school, the windows are wide open, there are traces of fall in the air, and the air is so still. The only noise I hear is the clicking of my fingers on the keyboard. I feel as still as the air around me. I feel, in this moment with all the worldly uncertainty that surrounds me, that this family is in a good place. Come what may.