I haven't had the heart to remove the Christmas wreath from the door of my house. I've never before lived in a place where having a wreath is so necessary. But something about that wreath invited me into this house that otherwise doesn't feel like my own.
So I went to JoAnn's last weekend, with a fist full of coupons and a sheer determination to scavenge for cheap supplies to make a spring wreath. I walked through the aisles with my husband and daughter. We laughed, joked, tried to scare each other from aisle to aisle, and came home with wreath supplies.
I put the above wreath together tonight, after eating a dinner of pot stickers and sweet potato fries. My husband and daughter were sitting on our new[ish] couch playing Disney's Tangled on the Wii. I giggled as the lyrics to Tori Amos' Silent All These Years popped into my head.
Excuse me, but can I be you for awhile?
My dog won't bite if you sit real still ...
What would my 16-year-old Tori Amos obsessed, boy crazy, justice seeking, all-knowing self say if she could see me sitting at a kitchen table with a hot glue gun and fake flowers? My husband and daughter playing a Disney video game.
So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts.
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts?
If I didn't believe I had everything figured out, I certainly believed I would have everything figured out soon. I don't laugh at the ignorance of my childhood; I am glad of who I was and who I've become, regardless of all the mistakes I've made along the way. I do laugh at who I was and what I thought my life would be. I never could have predicted it would go this way. I certainly never saw myself in the suburbs with a table full of fake flowers. But as I sat there, humming the angst of Tori Amos with a glue gun in hand, I realize I never could have predicted the depth of love and joy and hope that I have in my life.
As a teenager, I loved lyrics and poetry - and I'm glad to say that despite the mundane, I still do.
Let's hear what you think of me now,
but baby don't look up.
The sky is falling.