This week marks a lot of lasts. Last St. Paul ECFE class for Rosemary (and let's face it, for me too), last visits with neighbors as "neighbors," last strolls to the park, last visits to local shops, and the list goes on. One of the most difficult lasts to face was the last Sunday our "new" church. We've been attending this church for over a year, and while we intended to stay fairly anonymous until we knew for sure whether or not we'd be moving, the church didn't allow it ... even after we knew for sure that we'd be leaving.
The church was so friendly, so inviting, so open that we ended up getting sucked right in and now I feel deeply sad that we have to leave. In the short time we've been attending this church we have learned so much about ourselves, church community, fellowship, and God. We've been deeply challenged and inspired be every single Sunday morning message. We've learned things that have entirely changed our perspectives about outreach, missions, giving, and so much more. We've really found a church that we feel so perfectly matches what has been going on in our lives, what questions and challenges we've had with our faith and it really, really stinks that we will be living 2.5 hours away from it.
We were sitting in the pew and I whispered to Joel that I'm sad this can't be our church. Seconds after that quiet remark, Pastor Anne asked us to stand up, and she said so many nice things that I could not hold back my tears. It is hard to say goodbye.
Honestly, so many things have happened (or not happened) in our lives lately, that I am no longer sure exactly what I believe about God and his will for my life. I don't doubt the Bible and I don't doubt God's sovereignty, but I do doubt the many ways I've interpreted it - or that it's been interpreted for me. I don't like not having the answers, but I'm happy with this place that I'm in. Not because it's easy (believe me, it's really not), but I feel that asking these questions is ultimately drawing me closer to God than I have ever been.
I'm both excited and terrified about where this is going to lead me and a part of me sincerely wishes I could continue on this journey with First Covenant Church by my side. It seems there aren't even the words to explain what an impact it has made in my life. Saying goodbye is hard, but necessary. I guess we'll just wait and see where this new road takes us.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Looking forward
Today I'm feeling pretty excited about our upcoming move. It's warmer. Spring is in the air. The move is getting closer and feeling less overwhelming. I am really excited for the sudden slow-down that is about to happen in our lives. For as long as I can remember, I have been a busy girl - sometimes so much so that I've genuinely believed I was cursed with busyness. That will stop. Soon.
I have a number of resolutions for this move that I feel in many ways will be a sabbatical for our family. Here they are:
1. Learn to better manage time.
2. Learn to cook, be confident with meal planning and preparation, learn more about the ingredients that we are using and choose those that will encourage a healthy lifestyle.
3. Garden. Plan and plant a real vegetable garden, grow organically, can, freeze, and preserve
4. Continue to Green my household, use earth and people friendly cleaners, etc.
5. Read more
6. Waste less time on facebook. Seriously.
7. Breathe slowly, relax, enjoy life.
I most definitely may add to this. But that's what we have for now.
I have a number of resolutions for this move that I feel in many ways will be a sabbatical for our family. Here they are:
1. Learn to better manage time.
2. Learn to cook, be confident with meal planning and preparation, learn more about the ingredients that we are using and choose those that will encourage a healthy lifestyle.
3. Garden. Plan and plant a real vegetable garden, grow organically, can, freeze, and preserve
4. Continue to Green my household, use earth and people friendly cleaners, etc.
5. Read more
6. Waste less time on facebook. Seriously.
7. Breathe slowly, relax, enjoy life.
I most definitely may add to this. But that's what we have for now.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Updatily Shmupdatily
The last couple weeks have been Mood-Swing-City for me. I have been going from happy to sad, sure to unsure, crystal-clear to confused. We've had to make some big, tough decisions and although I think we're making the right decision and I have a complete and total peace about it, the decisions still haven't been easy.
We hit a big wall with the sale of our house. An appraisal came back that valued our house at waaayyyyy less than we paid for it (mind you we bought it 5 years ago as a fixer-upper, so we've put a ton of work into it), and that puts us in a tough spot.
We're working with our bank and working with the people who made an offer, and we've decided not to let this great rental that we found go. So, we are moving and taking a big gamble that the sale of our house will go through. If it doesn't go through, well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
I'm really excited for what life in a small-town is going to be like. I think it's going to be a much-needed relaxer for our family. However, I'm really dragging my feet about moving. Once I'm moved, I intend to fully embrace our new life. But for now, it's really hard to let go.
I love my house. We moved here as a young married couple. We brought Little Puppy Owen home here, nursed him when he got his broken leg, trained him to do all sorts of amazing things like take a bow, play dead, sneeze on command, etc. Then we brought Rosemary home and the myriad of family memories that live inside these walls are hard to let go of. I am attached to this house. Attached to the paint colors, the decorations, the neighbors, and the streets. I understand that it's a part of life, but it's hard to give it up.
And it's especially hard to give it up under not-so-good circumstances. I completely understand it's the way the world is right now and I don't have regrets, nor do I think there was much we could have done differently. But it's frustrating to leave and know that this house is likely to sell to people who don't seem like good people. And, even worse, if they don't buy it, it may just sit empty.
This house has many flaws and I understand that. I'm pretty sure we know many people who think this isn't a great house. But let me tell you something, we could have been happy here for a long time. We're not moving because we want something bigger and better - we're moving for a career for my husband. It's a good decision, and it's what's best (and necessary) for our family.
So, that's where we're at. The next few weeks will be filled with packing, cleaning, and moving.
Say, is there anybody still out there? If you actually read this thing, drop me a line, okay?
We hit a big wall with the sale of our house. An appraisal came back that valued our house at waaayyyyy less than we paid for it (mind you we bought it 5 years ago as a fixer-upper, so we've put a ton of work into it), and that puts us in a tough spot.
We're working with our bank and working with the people who made an offer, and we've decided not to let this great rental that we found go. So, we are moving and taking a big gamble that the sale of our house will go through. If it doesn't go through, well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
I'm really excited for what life in a small-town is going to be like. I think it's going to be a much-needed relaxer for our family. However, I'm really dragging my feet about moving. Once I'm moved, I intend to fully embrace our new life. But for now, it's really hard to let go.
I love my house. We moved here as a young married couple. We brought Little Puppy Owen home here, nursed him when he got his broken leg, trained him to do all sorts of amazing things like take a bow, play dead, sneeze on command, etc. Then we brought Rosemary home and the myriad of family memories that live inside these walls are hard to let go of. I am attached to this house. Attached to the paint colors, the decorations, the neighbors, and the streets. I understand that it's a part of life, but it's hard to give it up.
And it's especially hard to give it up under not-so-good circumstances. I completely understand it's the way the world is right now and I don't have regrets, nor do I think there was much we could have done differently. But it's frustrating to leave and know that this house is likely to sell to people who don't seem like good people. And, even worse, if they don't buy it, it may just sit empty.
This house has many flaws and I understand that. I'm pretty sure we know many people who think this isn't a great house. But let me tell you something, we could have been happy here for a long time. We're not moving because we want something bigger and better - we're moving for a career for my husband. It's a good decision, and it's what's best (and necessary) for our family.
So, that's where we're at. The next few weeks will be filled with packing, cleaning, and moving.
Say, is there anybody still out there? If you actually read this thing, drop me a line, okay?
Thursday, February 5, 2009
This whole house-selling business has been pretty difficult and frustrating. And contrary to what I may have believed yesterday, today it is far from over.
I've been pretty frustrated with the people who are trying to buy our house. I don't know if they are greedy or if they have a greedy realtor giving them advice, or what. But, they simply seem greedy to me.
I know that I should not be surprised about this. Everyone is looking for a deal right now. Greed is a pretty strong principle of being American; greed is what got all of American into this economic mess in the first place. From my end, it's frustrating.
We bought our house 5 years ago. Despite nearly the whole world telling us to get a non-conventional, more-money-in-your-pocket loan, we went with our guts and got a responsible, conventional loan. We took good care of our house, paid all our bills, and drastically improved the condition of our house. We fell in love with our house and neighborhood, and made some life-long friends.
Yet, despite these responsible acts, we are in an incredibly tough spot. And I am frustrated because I feel like the buyers, the loan officers, the investors, the bankers don't realize that it's not just a house - it's a family.
I can't say that every single decision we have made was "wise." It probably wasn't wise to quit a stable job in the middle of a serious recession ... but I'm not sure keeping it and losing my sanity would have been "wise" either. (It's a whole 'nother story, but I sincerely believe I was on the edge of a nervous breakdown.) Regardless I don't think we "deserve" this and it's really given me a new outlook on all the crap that's going on in the world.
I think it's easy to drive down the street and assume that every 'for sale' sign is there because people made bad choices and deserve what they are getting. Our 'for sale' sign is there because my husband followed a job, and my daughter and I would like to be with him. There's a story there, human beings, people who just a need someone or something to throw them a line.
I've been pretty frustrated with the people who are trying to buy our house. I don't know if they are greedy or if they have a greedy realtor giving them advice, or what. But, they simply seem greedy to me.
I know that I should not be surprised about this. Everyone is looking for a deal right now. Greed is a pretty strong principle of being American; greed is what got all of American into this economic mess in the first place. From my end, it's frustrating.
We bought our house 5 years ago. Despite nearly the whole world telling us to get a non-conventional, more-money-in-your-pocket loan, we went with our guts and got a responsible, conventional loan. We took good care of our house, paid all our bills, and drastically improved the condition of our house. We fell in love with our house and neighborhood, and made some life-long friends.
Yet, despite these responsible acts, we are in an incredibly tough spot. And I am frustrated because I feel like the buyers, the loan officers, the investors, the bankers don't realize that it's not just a house - it's a family.
I can't say that every single decision we have made was "wise." It probably wasn't wise to quit a stable job in the middle of a serious recession ... but I'm not sure keeping it and losing my sanity would have been "wise" either. (It's a whole 'nother story, but I sincerely believe I was on the edge of a nervous breakdown.) Regardless I don't think we "deserve" this and it's really given me a new outlook on all the crap that's going on in the world.
I think it's easy to drive down the street and assume that every 'for sale' sign is there because people made bad choices and deserve what they are getting. Our 'for sale' sign is there because my husband followed a job, and my daughter and I would like to be with him. There's a story there, human beings, people who just a need someone or something to throw them a line.
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